[Monday, Jan. 10, 2005][13:05]

review: imaginated

[news: orion] has been updated.

first impression:
random thoughts with reservations

layout: [forty-five of forty-nine points]
All of your links work and your image is crisp and legible; the neon graphic and color combination isn't going to win any art competition but it is appropriate and quick-loading. Unfortunately the links to your older entries are a bit odd to navigate, but they do work and permit a reader to find a specific entry from the many you've posted. Your pages are neatly appointed, as well, giving an overall favorable impression.

content: [forty-eight of eighty-seven]
Miss Dawn really wanted to give you a much higher rating here. Your writing, while somewhat meandering, is clear and concise, your grammar an appropriate mix of slang and proper English for a young person of your age. Unfortunately you have a very bad habit of mentioning something undefined and more or less off-stage - then telling your readers that if they wish to know more, they will need to email you. If it is private enough that it should not be mentioned on your diary, it is impolite to your readers to expect them to email for the lowdown. Better not to mention it at all, or to forge ahead, take the risk, and say what you think.

Your entries also, all-too-often, contain no more than two or three lines. While it is admirable to attempt frequent entries, to post something that has no appreciable content is a letdown. You have a way with words that allows you to draw a reader's interest even for small things - your family, job questions, and such. Tell us if you saw a sunrise that moved you or share a poem that struck a note in your heart. Please... Just no more entries to say that you have nothing to say, or entries promising that you'll be back to say what happened. Your next entry typically picks up at a later date, leaving readers to wonder what DID happen during that lapse.

Miss Dawn must admit to a giggle, however, when reading your 5 Minute Writing Spree entry. The incomplete entry was entertaining precisely because of its lightness and spontenaiety and brevity. On the other hand, your cast page, while well-intentioned, is so drawn out that it becomes tedious. It's ironic that it it is one of your longest entries.

frequency: [sixteen of twenty-two points]
Your frequency varies considerably. At times you update more than once in a day; other times you allow several days to elapse without an entry. Miss Dawn would rather see the lapse than the one- or two-sentence entries, but better yet would be a brief, thoughtful moment at moderately regular intervals. Your writing, when you choose to pursue it, is folksy and warm and to be shared.

bonus: [ten points]
These points are for 1) the fact that Miss Dawn was dreadfully tardy in reviewing your diary but also because 2) despite the fact that your diary is full of inside comments, non sequiturs and disappointing references to email, your style is refreshing and clear. You don't go out of your way to impress with a broad vocabulary, but at your best you speak to your readers as though they were your best friend and you were engaging them in conversation. A very nice touch.

Judgment:
Miss Dawn finds your style homey and welcoming, but as this is a diary, it is meant to introduce your readers to you, by means of your opinions, hopes and dreams. Your penchant for asking readers to email them is in stark contrast with your writing style, and throws an aura of insincerity about the otherwise frank expressions.

[one hundred nineteen of one hundred fifty-eight points]
[seventy-five percent]
[Miss Dawn]

[previous][next]