[Thursday, Apr. 07, 2005][13:04]

review: shinagin.

first impression: somehow reminiscent of a character from the rocky horror picture show.

layout: [twenty-nine of forty-nine points] while the elegance and simplicity are to be justly admired, it seems rather bland, and lacking in inspiration. all your links work, but in your archive however, many of your entries have no title, making navagation difficult.

content: [forty-seven of eighty-seven points] in late june you came to diaryland as a refugee. next post was a short quiz result, and then you go to panhandling for attention without having posted any appreciable content. while it's all well and good that you [love david lebel] without knowing who you are, this means nothing.

your spelling and grammar are attrocious. this may be because you seem young to our eyes, sixteen apparently. you have potential in your writing, but perhaps you just don not care to work at it. mostly, you seem to thrive off of quizzilla and surveys in lieu of genuine content. when you do actually write about what's going on with yourself, your train of thought is difficult to follow given your grammar.

yet you have your moments of lucidity. [this entry], minus the avril lavigne lyrics, is fantastic. it shows that your budding perception of the world around you is working. you just have to learn how to articulate what it is you see.

you also seem to have a good eye for photography, especially in your october entries. keep that up. ultimately, though your score suffered drastically because of your grammar and spelling. whether or not you give a fuck about it is irrellevent; such things make for difficult reading.

frequency: [fifteen of twenty-two points] better than we have been able to do here at orion, it seems.

bonus: [seven points] for your photography.

judgement: you have one outstanding entry, a handful of very good ones. the rest, are teen-angst crap. mister biased apologizes if this seems harsh, but given the modestly difficult time he had actually reading your diary, he feels it is justified. the reason we stress the grammar/spelling/syntax thing is that it really does make things easier to understand. while you do seem to have a kernel of passion, it often doesn't show through because we have a hard time understanding what you are trying to say. and that, is the largest reason your score suffered.

browse the previous reviews and see which diarys have examples of good writing, and you will see what we mean.

[nintey-eight of one hundred fifty-eight]
[sixty-two percent]
[mister biased]


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